The Cocktail Bar
Memories of Evenings Past
NOTE: This conversation runs backwards! For the benefit
of regular readers the newest comments are put at the top.
Music playing: Marychild's Dance Band playing "Time on My Hands"
Polyhymnia to Mary
Dear, sweet Mary
As you stood up just before, I caught a glimpse of those six inches
of ankle, and what a delightful sight it was indeed (Do forgive me for
looking , but I couldn't help myself). While a display of stockings might
not be considered actually daring in my Tellurian residence, it is unfortunately
very rare to encounter such a sophisticated and delicate appearance as
Yours & all the ladies present - even for the Pit as a whole, Denmark
is a very dark place concerning proper Ladylike behaviour and dressing,
especially in my circle of "ladies like that", as dear Miss Barbara so
aptly put it once. Well, the bigger is the pleasure of visiting this place.
But Mary dearest, such a gentle and, dare I say, innocent blonde as
you should not be led to thinking that "anything goes"!! In spite of the
goodhearted and warm feeling that this assembly radiates, I heard that
a rather nasty incident happened recently. Of consideration to that magnificent,
courageous blonde who took part, the details better not be discussed any
If you allow me, I will however be more than happy to sit next to you,
as I notice that you are sitting in a corner quite unprotected, if any
of those shameless brunettes should ever enter again.
With Hope and Respect
I feel a bit out of place here; I'll venture to say that I'm the coarsest
of all beasts to ask, but could one of you fine and delicate femmes point
me to the area in this lovely land where I can learn more about how this
population maintains itself? I'd like to know where little girls come from,
of course, and I beg your indulgence in answering my clumsy query. Ever
so abashed (and crashingly brunette),
Yeep! What a question. Well, of course it takes a blonde and a brunette,
and they have to be married, and, well, obviously you aren't married, but
when you do find Miss Right, the night before your wedding, your Brunette
Mummy will explain certain things to you. It is no good asking me what
because 10 I am not your Brunette Mummie so it would be most improper for
me to tell you and 2) I am not married myself, so I do not know. May I
recommend that you read the Extract from Children
of the Void that appeared in Femmeworld recently. It is written from
an Aristasia-in-Tellurian point of view, but throws some light on the subject,
and also suggests what light ought not to be thrown and why. Incidentally,
you do not look like a coarse beast to us, in that delightful velvet dress.
If it is short enough to show rather a lot of your pale-nylon-filmed legs,
we do not hold that against you at all. Do climb onto this bar stool and
show -I mean, tell - us more.
PUBLIC NOTICE: Below you will see what the pettes have been saying in
the Janet case. On balance we feel that reinstatement with moderate
punishment is the nearest to consensus, and we are inclined to take up
Yrsula's suggestion of inviting Sister Athleen to do the
honours. Despite what might be construed to be the hopes of some members,
we feel this should be done in a private place, not in the Cocktail Bar.
Music playing: Freda Staire singing "Let's Face the Music and Dance"
Leave Punishment to Sister Athleen
If Janet is to be punished, at least let a professional disciplinarienne
administer it. I can speak from frequent first-hand, so to speak, experience
that this is always the best way. Both Ellhedrine and Janet
will be more than pleased with Sister Athleen's results. It will
be carried out in perfect nursely fashion. Sister Athleen might
even be willing to come up to London for a private session.
Cane or Kiss?
I am a little frightened by the idea that Janet might be caned.
Will that not hurt her?
Maybe Sally is right saying that a kiss (or more if needed) could
solve the problem more easily than a cane.
However, in case she will be caned, or spanked, will her skirt be lifted
completely? And her beautiful pleated black slip? IRIS
Poor Janet, I rather sympathise with her, and I certainly don't
approve of the frankly scary suggestions made by some of those terribly
officious types. There wouldn't be a touch of jealousy inspiring them,
would there, pettes? Janet, my dear, we all make the occasional gaffe now
and again, and if you would like to join me in a corner towards the back
of the bar (in case a hasty exit prove necessary) I shall set you up a
Blonde Bombshell to ease your mind.
Your fellow traveller in strange places
MISS CHERRY UNO
I hope that the more delicate blondes will forgive me, but I would say
that a caning is most certainly in order. While it would be folly to cast
poor Janet out, possibly causing her to return to the customs of
the Pit in desperation, neither should she go without correction. Speaking
as a brunette, we have an obligation to protect the fair ladies, after
My personal recommendation would be ten strokes. Five would be too few,
but I think that "whipping her to within an inch of her life" would be
quite too severe! (All due respect to Col. Janechild.)
And finally, Ariadne, a derringer is a weapon, dear. Not a flask.
It would certainly not be wise to pass it around, as some poor blonde
who would necessarily be ignorant of firearms might inadvertently do mortal
harm to herself. Instead, let Miss Barbara buy you another cocktail.
Something sweet and femmey, and much more fitting for you than a nasty
Col. Janechild Explains
Now look, dash it all, you pettes. "Whipped within an inch of her life"
- only a figure of speech, don't you know? Didn't mean to upset the blondes.
Last thing I wanted. Meant to protect them, don't you know? Good smack.
That's all I meant, really. Hyperbole, don't you know? Mustn't take it
COL. JANE JANECHILD
Music Playing: The Quirinelles singing "What Lola Wants"
What Shall We Do with the Tipsy Brunette
As a brunette myself, I understand Janet's temptation, though, allow
me to insert here, I find myself appalled by her giving in to that temptation.
I do, however, admire her courage, her brunette-ishness at coming back
into the cocktail bar. I believe punishment is in order, but, as sweet
Ariadne has commented, a caning at the Cocktail bar seems completely
out of place. Let us think of something a bit more severe, yet refined.
Perhaps we should issue her a pair of stockings with an obvious run, and
force her to endure the embarrassment of wearing them throughout an entire
day and evening. If she is woman enough to handle such a fate, perhaps
we would allow her to return. Though, I believe Ellhedrine should
be the one to decide such matters.
Marisa, so nice to hear from you again, love. I so well understand
your difficulties in always being around the lovely, fair, and innocent
woman-child students of yours. My best advice for you would be to always
be careful to be upstanding in all matters, even as you from time to time,
catch a quick glimpse at the lovelies' ankles, calves, and even as you
appreciate fully their adoring glances and admiring stares. Of course,
I did sense that you were a fellow brunette; if nothing else, your elegant
and sophisticated deportment betrays that fact!
Please, Managerette, if we DO allow Janet back into our fold, take her
weapon by all means. The very idea of such a thing amidst our pink and
lavender makes me shiver with anxiety.
Much love to all the pettes
The Professor is Appalled
I am thoroughly shocked and appalled at the unrestrained, bloodthirsty,
unfeminine vindictiveness expressed by Surique and Col. Janechild.
Certainly traits like these are precisely those which have always doomed
feminine cultures to extinction throughout history.
That which distinguishes us from the other sex (speaking in Tellurian
terms) is our compassion, forgiveness and gentleness. For millennia women
have said that, were it up to us, there would be no wars. Surique and Col.
Janechild belie this elemental wisdom and make fools of all women. "To
be whipped within an inch of her life" indeed! What is this, the Royal
Navy in 1806?
Surique and Col. Janechild are without doubt suffering from acute P.A.D.
(Pit Affective Disorder) and should catch the very next train to St. Yvyanne's
Neuraesthenia Clinic in Nether Mynton. It may still be early enough for
them to be cured!
PROFESSOR FRANCESCA VILLIERS
"I Simply Couldn't!"
I was simply horrified by Surique's suggestion that I might
cane Janet. I am sure it was well-meant and I hope she will not
mind, but I simply couldn't! It is not in my nature at all, and
the thing would be a worse punishment to me than to Janet (in fact
it might not be a punishment to Janet at all, since I know I should do
it most feebly). Now please do not think I am being sill y about this sort
of thing. I have been, as I believe I mentioned before, caned twice at
school, and each time I felt much helped and improved afterwards, and if
that is what is considered best in Janet's case (especially as she herself
suggested it and has no objection) I do not mind. But please do not bring
me into it as an active participant.
As for Col. Janechild's suggestion that she be "whipped within
an inch of her life", well really, I have never heard of such a
thing. It sounds most barbaric and unkind and worst of all, unladylike.
In my part of Quirinelle spankings can be given for breaches of public
decorum. I once had a smack from the cinema usherette for talking too loud
during the film. But "whipping some one within an inch of her life" never
happens, not to any one, not ever. I think it is un-Aristasian and as the
injured party I vote against it as strongly as possible.
Anyway, with or without a punishment, I think we should give Janet another
chance. Our duty is to help people be better, and only when they have rejected
goodness altogether should we reject them. Janet wishes to be good, and
we must all help her. ELLHEDRINE
Vote for Punishment
Janet should be punished. It would be like a ritual purification
and rebirth into the Cocktail Bar. Perhaps the offended Ellhedrine
herself should cane her.
The Hard Line
I say that people like Janet are a menace to Southern Blonde-hood
and should not be allowed in decent bars.
Um - south of what, honeychild?
What does this yellow-haired floozy think of Janet? Well,
she certainly has a very tough-girl aura about her. Rather intimidating,
I think, like something out of a Michelle Spillane thriller. But as for
punishment, I don't think canes or caning should be permitted, much less
even contemplated in the Aphrodite Cocktail Bar. I think we should all
forgive Janet, (after all, she never touched me in any secret place)
providing that she shares with us whatever is in that derringer of hers.
But stocking-top flasks are really quite teensy, and even if it's straight
gin, it probably won't go very far! And the management may frown on pettes
bringing their own liquor into the bar.
So, do let Janet back in and let's pass around her derringer!
"Let Her Back"
I think we should let Janet back. She is so romantic in her rough-diamond
sort of way and her black pleated slip is just adorable (I couldn't help
catching just a teensy glimpse). I think a little smack might be
a good thing so that every one feels justice has been done, though, SALLY
Whip the Bounderette
Dash it, pettes, that bounderette Janet should be whipped within
an inch of her life. Then if she takes it like a brunette she should be
welcomed back and bought a stiff drink. And let her keep her derringer.
If she's proved herself to be on our side, you never know when she may
come in handy, what?
COL JANE JANECHILD
Paula asked how US and UK sizes of lingerie match up to each other.
This is a rough conversion guide. For more detailed information on shopping
sizes I suggest that you try speaking to Tina. She can be found at:
For direct shopping you can try Sara Lee:
or Fantasies in Lace:
British to United States lingerie sizes
Waist Size (inches) 25.5-27 27.5-30 30.5-33.5 34-35.5 36-37.5 38-42.5
GB Dress Sizes 8/10 12/14 16/18 20/22
US (Misses/Womens) S M L XL 1X 2X 3X
Full slips / camisoles
Bust Size (inches) 33.5-34 34.5-35 35.5-36.5 37-38 38.5-39.5 40-41.5 42-43.5
GB Dress Sizes 8 10 12 14 16 18 20
US (Approx Bra size)34 34-36 36 36-38 38-40 40-42 42-44
I find that waist slips are more forgiving than full length slips, so
although I take a British size 18 for a full slip I can wear a UK 12/14
for a waist slip. Indeed, I prefer to wear my shorter waist slips fairly
tight and figure hugging to my stocking tops but hidden under a short skirt;
however under a longer flowing skirt, rather like the delightful one Iris
is wearing as she sits demurely on her bar stool, I prefer a longer and
more generous petticoat with a deeper lacy hem that just peeps out, for
those that wish to see.
Music playing: Marychild's dance orchestra playing "As Time Goes
Janet Creeps Back
Hello, pettes, this is Janet. Yes, naughty Janet who so woefully
slipped her hand up the skirt of poor innocent Ellhedrine and explored
(very briefly, but unforgettably) the most secret places above the tops
of her seamed stockings. I must confess it was a shock when she screamed
and slapped my face. I had, as the barmaid said as she gently ushered
me out, had one Fountain of Youth too many. Well, one is perhaps
an understatement. Also (forgive me for saying this) I think I may have
misunderstood exactly what kind of Cocktail Bar this was. I mean, I'm a
girl of the world and I've been around some dives in Cyberspace. But if
I'd had three Fountains of Youth less, I'd have seen clearly that this
isn't that kind of dive (or any kind of dive, come to that) and Ellhedrine
isn't that kind of blonde.
Alright. Before the brunettes here form a lynch committee, or at any
rate call the constabelles, just let me say that it would have been a lot
easier for me not to come back here. If I wanted to pick up cheap
blondes there are a lot of places I can go. I didn't intend to come back
after the other night. But of all the Cocktail Bars in all the Sites in
this great big cockamamie Elektraspace, I had to walk into this one; and
something is making me walk right back. There isn't anywhere else like
this. You know it and I know it. Not without getting right into Aristasia,
and I haven't got the key. I've found something here I can't do without.
Lemon-haired floozies in Pit-dives don't mean a hill of beans to me now.
I want to find some real, well-spoken, properly-brought-up young blonde
like Ellhedrine (don't worry, kid, I said like Ellhedrine.
I won't come near you again unless you tell me I can). Settle down, maybe
raise a few little blondes and brunettes of our own. A girl can't go on
So what do you say? Will you have me back? I'll be a good subject and
take the Loyal Pledge. If I ought to have a caning for my past misdeeds
(I understand such things happen in these parts) I will submit myself gracefully.
Oh, yes, and I carry a derringer in my stocking-top. Do you want me to
hand it over?
The management feel that we cannot respond to Janet's request without
first putting it to our patronettes. What do you think, darlings.
Shall we let Janet back? With or without punishment? Please send
More Femme Advice Needed
Dear Miss Barbara: Thank you very much for your kind words. It's
pleasant to feel the warmth of words around and that light headed sensation
after that delicious Manhattan. Yes, I feel like drop my arms aside and
let the music play and time go by. My very first words should be addressed
to say I AM brunette (no "proud" smileys at hand). I hope this was what
you expected I was. Is it right?. Something else you should know, and everyone
here around, is that I am about 30, a little bit tall (5f 8") and most
of time, except tonight, I am under my white uniform. All of this, in addition
to something else you already know, makes me look authoritative, but not
severe. This is also derived from my strong (but not "caned") education,
always addressing me to follow up nothing but my career. It wasn't until
the last few months that I started wandering about something else in my
life. It was when I became a clinical teacher and I began to spend quite
a lot of time with my young students. These lovely girls, whose nearness
made me feel so feminine as I never felt before. Some of this true girls
came to me looking not only knowledge and basical skills; but also, I know
it now, some "feminine protection", some tenderness I didn't dared to owe.
I guess they are lucky, when I was a young student, my preceptors were
only men and I made some mistakes. I think I learned a lot. . . until I
felt that new proximity with all of it's excitement, whispered words and
furtive glances when we sat aside to chit-chat and I hear their little
secrets and my hand slightly rubs a flurry ear or stocked leg. I don't
dare to take advantage of my position (I think Nurse Yrsula knows why).
But this is what I think of when I'm front of a mirror? garnished with
all my underthings (what a lovely word!)? Dear Barbara: what should I do?
Can you guide me hand? Excuse me, maybe I'm abusing of your teaching experience
(Is that true?) and your well intended will of giving advice.
To all of you, adored pettes: Thanks for your kind conversation. I hope
Tellurian demands will allow me to come more frequently.
Sweet kisses to you all from MARISA
Stockings from Australia
I don't quite know where to start. I am an Australian girl only just getting
used to your English weather. Everyone tells me this year has been better
than most, then let's just hope things don't return to normal!
I found your web site several weeks ago and was immediately excited
by the superb background pattern and colour. One thing I have learnt to
love over here is the feel of wearing stockings and suspenders. Also the
thrill of finding that one of my new friends is also wearing them. This
has sometimes led to, well maybe more about that another time. To find
a web site that not only encourages stockings, but almost seems to make
them mandatory is out of this world.
Please, please let me in to the warmth, before the cold winter winds
arrive and freeze the soft pink flesh above my stocking tops.
PHILIS OLIVER (Possum)
Music playing: The Quirinelles singing "Sweet Little Sixteen"
Six Inches of Ankle
Why, Polyhymnia, do you mean me? I think you must, for it is true
that my black silk stockings only just show under my long black skirt.
At least they do while I am sitting here with my feet on the rung of the
bar-stool. When I stand up you can see a full six inches of Ankle, and
in Arcadia, where I come from that is considered rather daring:
In Arkady a glimpse of stocking
Is looked on as something shocking
as the song says; but here -- heaven knows! Anything
goes, I sometimes think. No, not really; I know the pettes are very modest
in their modern way, but I am pleased that you came to see me, and yes,
I shall be very pleased to accept the drink you offer. May I have a Rusty
Welcome to Sabrina
Sabrina, do sit here. I am almost as new as you are. I come from
Yvyanne in Quirinelle. My name is Ellhedrine. Really there isn't
much to tell you. This place is just what it appears to be (at least, I
hope it is!) - a most elegant and sophisticated Cocktail Bar just like
the ones you see in those lovely grown-. . . I mean sophisticated
films. It is full of the most elegant brunettes and the prettiest blondes
imaginable, to which you, if I may say so, are a sweet addition in that
lovely silk creation - and where did you get those beautiful seamed
nylons? But do be careful how you sit. It is so easy to show a little
too much, and some of the brunettes here. No, that is unfair. Only one,
as far as I know, but I did have a most unnerving experience a short
Miss Barbara, you are so very kind. I feel quite
all right now, thanks to your sweet consideration. Are people really saying
that about me? How utterly charming of them. What a nice
place this is. ELLHEDRINE
More about Ojo Caliente
May I introduce myself? My name is Francesca Villiers. I am an associate
professor of gynthropology in the Department of Pre-Columbian Feminine
Cultures, University of New Mexico in Albuquerque. I've been dropping into
the Aphrodite Cocktail Bar after work for the last several weeks, but as
a newcomer I've been keeping to myself. Nonetheless, I couldn't help overhearing
Ariadne's reference to a travel article in Modern Blonde about a
dude ranch in Ojo Caliente, New Mexico.
I am very familiar with the article, which is certainly a hoax. I am
sorry to say that no such dude ranch exists at Ojo Caliente. I should know
-- it is the site of one of our most fascinating digs. Ojo
Caliente lies at the end of a dirt road on the present-day Zuni Indian
Reservation in the Cibola Mountains of Northwestern New Mexico --
the same Cibola Range whose fabled golden cities eluded the Spanish conquistador
We believe an isolated tribe of the mysterious Anasazi inhabited the
cliff-dwellings around Ojo Caliente in the millennium preceding the Spanish
conquest. This tribe was apparently all women and of a different complexion
from their neighbors, according to ancient tribal stories, a number of
which predicted the arrival of a white-haired, blue-eyed goddess. The canyon
sites they chose were impregnable (no play on words intended) so that they
were able to devote themselves entirely to pastoral and agricultural endeavors,
defense not being an issue.
In 1987 some amateur spelunkers exploring a series of bat-infested caves
in the Chaco River Canyon discovered a large chamber containing seventeen
unusual petroglyphs. Carbon-dating places them at about 450 AD, making
them much older than any other Anasazi petroglyphs yet found.
But what distinguishes them even more than their age is their peculiar
style and subject-matter. For although dampness and centuries of abrasion
by bat-wings have obscured them to a greater or lesser degree, all clearly
depict what can only be described as elegant feminine forms in various
attitudes of repose. As for the style, it is amazingly similar to that
of the sketches hanging here in the Cocktail Bar, its Archives and in the
Common Room. They might have been executed by the same hand! And each one
contains a hieroglyph of a portal enclosed by two columns, rather like
a signature, in the lower left corner.
We began our excavation only this summer (negotiations with the Zuni
Tribal Council were difficult and prolonged). Thus far, we have cleaned
most of the petroglyphs but have not begun excavation of the cave floor.
We do not expect to find any other traces of this culture, however (other
than combs and what can only be described as garters). Why? We have found
similar sites before -- near Easter Island, in Tibet and in
Ceylon, to name several. The images are remarkably similar, but no human
artifacts, not even pot fragments or tools other than combs or these garter-like
objects have ever been unearthed.
Should Ariadne or any other girls venture to visit Ojo Caliente
anyway, I should be more than happy to give them a tour of the dig. We
always welcome a new face. It gets quite lonely at the site during the
PROFESSOR FRANCESCA VILLIERS
Music playing: Marychild's Dance Orchestra playing "Body and Soul"
A New Brunette
Oh Dear! All these new impressions to puzzle my mind. The sweet Miss
A. L. Trent suggested me to go here, and it is rather overwhelming
to be amongst such enchanting members of the fairer sex. I better not order
another Martini quite yet, or I might put myself in a situation where I
would get my face slapped (and that would serve me right, too!). In fact,
I am rather hoping that a more experienced brunette would give me some
gentle advice about how to approach an innocent blonde in decent ways.
Would it be too bold of me, on this my first visit, to ask that charming
blonde, just barely showing her silk stockings under the long black skirt,
if she would care for a drink?
And that mysterious, yet intriguing Inner Sanctum - dare I ask for a
The less said about mediaeval Aristasian maidens, the better. It can only
get me into greater difficulties with Sister Athleen. I regret I
ever made the story up and foisted it on Ariadne.
And my real name is Ellen Dawson, not Yrsula -- I was born at
St. Thomas's and grew up in Lambeth. Yrsula just suits me better. I am
really a perfectly ordinary girl, believe me. And don't any of you go down
to Chalk Newton to look for that copse: it doesn't exist.
Sorry I am in such a bad temper; we've been working extra hours at St.
Yvyanne's stabilising three new patients with P.A.D. -- Pit Affective
Disorder. Two blondes and a brunette this time, in very sad shape, indeed.
The Quest for Enlightenment
Please enlighten me. I am a little redhead from Canada. Totally innocent.
I have no idea what all of this is about. I am really eager for some nice
person to take me aside and show me how this works. Please??
Possible redhead is simply the colour of your hair, but "little" implies
that you are a blonde. Now just sit on this lovely stool here and order
yourself a drink. I am sure some one will tell you a little about our ways
in just a moment.
The Perfect Office
Miss Delira Bright says she wears multi-layers petticoats at the
office, and that they occasionally swirl out. It must be wonderful. What
a dream it should be, if we could all wear at the office like so! In an
office where everyone of us would wonder, while sitting with crossed legs,
how much she is showing of her petticoat, and would admire, comment, or
at least silently peer, the others' undies. I dream an office where caresses
and kisses would be normal. . . experiencing the strange mixture
of excitement and embarrassment at revealing too much, as Andrea
By good luck I found this Cocktail Bar. However, I wouldn't like to
sit on my skirt and petticoat over that stool. Is it allowed to sit directly
onto it, letting skirts fall around? I like to feel the seat with my skin.
Though I have no control of what I am risking to show under me. I shall
try to sit demurely, because I am still shocked for what happened recently
between Ellherdrine and Paula, and I hope that nobody will touch my skirt
or, even worse, slip her hand between my skirt and petticoat, feeling my
suspenders. . .
It would be a too strong emotion for me!
It seems the most delightful way to sit on a bar stool with wide skirts
- the entire stool prettily draped in your feminine folds, a picture of
modesty, and yet somehow irresistibly suggesting the delightful, never-to-be-seen
Vacation Plans Dropped
Thank you, gentle Barbara, for your advice about the dude ranch, but it's
now quite academic. Apparently I have overdrawn my bank account in a serious
way according to the call I received from the bank manageress. Something
about credits and debits and how cheques reduce one's balance and
deposits increase it (and I had thought it was the other way round!)
And then some quite unnecessary remarks about the importance of decimal
points and trailing zeros. Well, I never excelled in maths, but this time
it has cost me more than low marks: I don¹t get to take my holiday!
At all events, Barbara, the brief fantasy you painted about traveling
together will have to suffice for the real thing, I am afraid. How about
telling us some more of your delectable femme pleasures?
Go East, Young Maiden
My, my, have things been busy. Sitting here enjoying this Blonde Bombshell
and watching all the happenings. Ariadne, I am sorry you missed
my earlier entrance. As they say - it must have crossed in the mail. I
imagine this girl may get in trouble in the next few days, am heading towards
Tokeo, or is that Eto? Anyway I hope I can add to my silk collection. Will
be back within a fortnight, so don't let me miss much. I may just take
a back seat by the wall and watch things happen via traveling modem, till
I get back.
Love to all,
ADD YOUR COMMENT TO
Some one has described Aristasia as "one long conversation".
Well, Aphrodite is rather like that. If you want to catch up on the conversation
so far, the Archive is the place to do it.
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